piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
