Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
