Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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