I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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