You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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