I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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