No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize