i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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