White coat. Heels.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
