Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
