After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
