dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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