He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
