sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
