Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Welp...herpes.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
