He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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