Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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