Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
