I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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