I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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