Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
