dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
