i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
