Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Congratulations! We have a period
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
