Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
