Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
