we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I need water and some morals
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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