do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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