I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
