If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
