I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize