So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
