those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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