she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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