If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
