Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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