I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
