I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
