I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
