I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
