The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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