im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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