It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
