so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
