Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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