Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
