Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize