It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
