Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
