I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
