the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
did i walk over a car last night?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
