So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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