i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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