just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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