I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
