mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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