Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
