How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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