Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
