yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
