I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
