the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
