We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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