You're so nebulous sometimes
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
