Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
