i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We are two peas in an std pod
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
