Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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