I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
