My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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