I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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