omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
