i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
