On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
