White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
