You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Randomize
